How to break free from people pleasing and speak your mind 2021-02-23T01:31:33-05:00

How To Break Free From People Pleasing And Speak Your Mind

#1. Own your addiction.

Begin by confessing you’re addicted to people-pleasing. Confess to yourself and to trusted allies. Just say the words, “I’m a people-pleaser.”

#2. Practice saying no before you need to say it.

Roleplay saying no with a trusted ally. (Yes, practice saying NO out loud.)

You go further by including trusted allies, supportive colleagues, and encouraging friends on the journey.

#3. Speak up with kindness.

  1. Determine YOUR OWN perspective before you speak. What do you really think? How do your words express your values?
  2. Listen. Deep listening precedes effective talking.
  3. Consider impact. Speaking your mind includes respect for the impact of your voice on others.
  4. Follow one rule. Only open your mouth to make something better.
  5. Chill out before you speak if you feel frustrated. Calm yourself, then speak.
  6. Speak with openness. “I could be wrong, but ….” “I wonder if ….” “At this time, I think….” Don’t invite unnecessary resistance.
  7. Don’t resist resistance. Thank people for offering alternatives, even if they seem contradictory. “Thanks, I’ll think about that.”
  8. Avoid defensiveness.
  9. Don’t apologize for your perspective.
  10. Receive appreciation gracefully.

#4. Improve incrementally.

Narrow the scope of focus to one thing at a time. Say NO once this week, for example.